What Now?

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but this "place blog" is an assignment for my English class. For the past few posts we have had directions on what to write about, but from here on out we're on our own. Our professor has provided some ideas if we're not sure. I figure it's easier to write about what you know and what's going on, or went on, in your life. Although others feel it is too personal and would rather not discuss their problems were almost anyone can read about it. My solution is to layout the situation but be vague on details.

Where do we go from here? As an old eighteen year old, I tend to view the world a tad bit differently than people my age. Meaning I've had that moment in my life were I wake up from the surreal world most children are born into and took a long hard look at my life and where I was headed. During the summer of my sophomore and junior year I had a revelation that I was headed no where fast and that I had to get my act together to get to where I wanted to go. 

I suppose it's good thing to be the responsible teenager, the one who thinks things through, and can usually tell when a friend is getting themselves in trouble. Sometimes, I wish I was still naive and unaware, so I could enjoy the bliss. 

Living on your own is a huge step most of us thought we were prepared to make. Yet, I think a good percentage of us find that it's harder to be independent than we first imagined. Amazing how those little things are our kryptonite. Adjusting to life on campus was a smooth transition,  and contrary to my own belief, I end up going home every weekend. Before college I never dreamed I was going back home at the end of each week, I'd have more important assignments to work on or people to see. But even as I write this post, I sit in my favorite armchair in my parents' house. Funny how being somewhere familiar can set the soul at ease. Even if it's not a place you'd like to stay, it's oddly comforting.

More frequently than I'd like to believe I have trouble sleeping at night. At times I wander. A couple streets down there's a park that's more entertaining than one might think. It's safe, contrary to popular belief. Thundersky Park gives me a place to think about all the crazyness happening in my life and the world and my mind. Refuge that I sometimes so desperately need. 

Being the "older"soul, whether I would like to or not my brain is constantly on overdrive thinking about everything. Over analyzing every possible decision there is and even some that could arise. I've never been tested, but I have ADD. I refuse to "officially" find out because I'm not going to let a technicality hold me back. How many people these days use Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder as an excuse that they can't accomplish even the smallest goals? How many of them are guys? Personally, I will not become another statistic. It just means I have to work that much harder to do what I need to get done. Plus I believe that's what keeps me up at night, my thoughts don't slow down.

Thundersky Park is refuge. I ponder away. I'm one of those people who is consistently over loading myself, because otherwise I feel like I'm wasting valuable time. We only live so long and there is so much I hope to accomplish and learn. Bonus, when I'm busy the whole day I'm usually so exhausted by the end of the day I actually sleep. Instead of ending up a few blocks away.

At college, it isn't the safest neighborhood, so I can't just go exploring at 2 in the morning. One night/morning, I walked the main areas of campus, but it isn't the same. I don't have that place to escape to or hide away in. Isn't it funny how we associate locations with emotions? Like those areas were we always end up in a foul, happy, sad, fill-in-the-blank?

In its early stages, insomnia is almost an oasis in which those who have to think or suffer darkly take refuge. ~Collete

This was kind of all over the map this time -.-